The Challenging Child

Every year brings a child a two that try my patience, but last year I experienced a student that had the potential to destroy me.  This disruptive, rude, self centered child was nearly my undoing.  Because I teach both first and second grade, I knew that I would be facing him again the next year too.  I considered getting a job at the Dairy Queen!

My second year with Marcus is almost half way done and we have made a lot of progress, although we do have some more room to grow.

Here is what is working for me, I hope it helps you too.

One morning at the start of the day I called Marcus over for a friendly little chat.  I wanted the conversation to be respectful and positive on both sides, so my tone was calm and thoughtful.   I explained to him that one of things that he was doing regularly, and told him as a team we were going to work on that behavior.

"Marcus."  "There is something you do that we need to work on."  "Very often you start making these groaning, growling noises because you want attention from me."  Then I demonstrated an example of what he does.  "You need to understand that you do not need to have attention all the time.  The next thing that happens is I ask you to stop making noises, and you always say "I wasn't making any." "  Marcus of course said "No I don't".  "Marcus, do you really think that I just randomly come up to you when you are working quietly and tell you to be quiet?"  He kind of looks at me like, hmmmm. "Marcus when you say "No I wasn't" to me, that is back talk, and it is disrespectful.   Today I want your goal to be instead of arguing with me, just say "ok" and stop making the noise."

Marcus agreed to the challenge.  Sure enough, an hour later, he is making the noises.  I looked at him with my eyebrows raised and said. "Marcus, please stop making those noises."  He immediately started "I wasn't..."  "oops, I'm sorry Mrs. Markoya."

It was a beautiful moment.  He actually was able to see himself and what he was doing.  He could see that he was in fact, doing the behavior I described.  Awareness, and a willingness to try to change have begun.  I didn't have to yell, I didn't have to punish, we set a goal, and are moving forward.

The next day I did the same thing with a different goal in mind.  I promised him that if he didn't scowl (I demonstrated the face he always makes) at anyone or say anything mean for a whole hour I would give everyone in the class a little piece of candy.  He did it.  He was so proud.  "I didn't make faces at anyone!"  The whole class was proud, especially me.  We have hope, and little by little we're going to get there!